heavy heart.

I have a long commute to and from my office. This can easily be a blessing to help clear my mind, to help think through things or just for some moments of silence, but there are other days when the opportunity to think extensively also gets me into trouble. 

It's at those times that the weight of the world seems to fall heavy on me and I don't do well when I can't solve for everything. Lately, more often than not all of this seems to go back to our adopted baby. How I know she (or he) is still a few years away from bringing home, but my heart still hurts for her every single day. 

I know she probably hasn't even been born yet, but today my mind and heart keeping going to her - to the man and woman who will conceive of her, who will give birth to her and then for some unspeakable reason will abandon her in some part of the world, to be taken care of by people who mean well but don't have the resources to care for her in the way she deserves and then she will wait. She will wait for me to find her, to fight for her and to finally bring her home. 

I'm mostly writing this to myself, to help ease my mind a little so that I can get some work done, but I also write it so that one day Emma (I call her Emma when I pray for her) can read back and understand how much I loved her and prayed for her every single day long before she even existed on this Earth.