Nobody ever promised EASY

Nobody ever promised that being a mom with a career would be easy. Nobody promised being a mom would be easy for that matter. And I am okay with that because being blessed with children is the biggest blessing one can be given. Truly believing that is what has allowed me to never buy into the fact that being a mom is a job.  Exhausting, challenging, nerve-wracking? Yes. A job? No.

But as a mom with a job- a full-time job that actually ends up being more than “full-time”- is hard sometimes and has been especially so this week (did I mention it’s only Tuesday?). It has been hard because Jackson has caught on to the fact that when I wake him early in the morning, before the sun rises, that I am doing so because I am going to be leaving him all day. This results in a little boy who does not want his mama to put him down- at all. It is simply not possible to do all of the things I need to do to prepare for the day with a baby in my arms, which results in tears shed (mostly from him but sometimes from us both). Those tears just about put me over the edge.

I can handle staying up later than everyone else in order to pack diaper bags, prepare baby food, wash and sterilize bottles, pump breastmilk, wash dishes, do laundry, pick up toys…

I can handle nights where I average just a few hours of sleep and then working a full day…

I can handle dragging my computer and work supplies down to the lactation room multiple times throughout the day to pump…

I can handle it all. But, those tears are really hard for me to handle. That little lip pucker face that he has is really hard for me to handle. Prying his chubby little fingers off of me when I drop him off is too hard to handle.

So, then I spend my hour-long commute talking it out with God. Asking Him to help me. Telling Him about how it hurts my heart not knowing what to do. Asking Him to help me understand if I’m doing the right thing. And in doing so I turn over my burdens to Him and wait for guidance and remind myself of why I have a career. Why it’s important to me as a woman, as a wife, as a mother.

Because it is important. Because there is a higher purpose behind it, but it’s not  easy. No. Nobody promised easy. Because if it was easy then everyone would be doing it. So, I’ll take the hard with the faith and hope that it won’t always be this way.  So, thank you, God, in advance for showing me the way. And thank you God for giving me the most precious baby boy to go home to tonight. I love you, Jackson Philip!