The Behavior Light.

A few weeks ago my sister-in-law (a psychologist & a professor on parenting) said something that stuck with me, "as parents we can set expectations, we can give choices, but we do not negotiate with our children." I completely agree.  

The problem is that I'm not a perfect parent, so sometimes slip on this. It's easy to do- slipping up when parenting- but one thing I've learned about setting solid, consistent expectations with little ones is to deliver the same message but wrapped up in a fresh new way every so often. So, today, we refreshed our behavior system (i.e. rules/expectations, rewards/consequences). 

We're calling our new system the "Behavior Light." A few friends of mine do something similar to this and since Audrey is especially is into "red means stop, green means go" lately, we created our own version this morning. They, of course, loved picking out their new "pin" and helping to put the behavior light together- involving them like this and giving them appropriate input is critical to getting their buy-in.  

Each day their pins begin on green (fresh starts are important!) and then move up or down according to their behavior. Before bed time, we will check to see where they landed- landing on green earns them a sticker (10 stickers = a special surprise), landing on red means Mommy or Daddy takes one thing of their choice away for the next day (insert evil laugh here). The goal here is not to police their every move, but to address areas that they each need to work on and move the pins accordingly. I know what battles I need to choose with each of them- those battles vary by the week (sometimes by the day or even the hour!), so this is a great way to customize according to each child's age and stage.

This may be over-the-top for some families, but in our house we have 3 monsters ages 4 and under (cue chaos), so having a visible reminder for expectations on behavior works best for us. This will also be helpful when my maternity leave ends and there are a few different people caring for the babies- having a consistent system provides stability and comfort, resulting in better behavior and happier rug rats (and moms and dads too).

Note: It's 2:30pm and they're both still on green- woo hoo! 

dear little man...

Dear Jackson...

Today you turned TWO... two years old. How did that happen so fast? I'll always remember the day you were born like it was yesterday- the day I was given the most beautiful gift in the world, making me a member of the mom's club. A club that has been around since the beginning of time and yet the rules seem to keep changing just a little because little boys like you keep moms like me on our toes, always leaving us just a little puzzled when it comes to doing what is the best for you. But I must be doing at least some things right because you have turned into such an amazing little man this past year... you are handsome, smart, brave, sweet, funny and caring. Here's a little hint: don't let anything change any of who you are today and you'll have no problem at all making every last one of your dreams come true.

I love you, Jackson Philip- more than you could possibly know,
Mama

We are coming off of a beautiful, sunny, relaxing weekend where our number one priority was soaking each other up. Its in those moments- of complete and utter simplicity- where I find there to be a spotlight on the blessings in my life, just pulling me towards it, urging me to take a moment to be thankful. And thankful I am.

In service yesterday we focused on Deuteronomy 6: 4-9. To say that I take this passage lightly would be the epitome of an understatement. This passage reminds me that when God chose me to be Jackson's mother, he was choosing me to introduce my little man to Him. To show him the way to having a life-long relationship with Jesus. It is not an honor that Dan and I take lightly. 

When I see Dan and Jackson move with complete ease and harmony as they do more and more... I am so thankful to have a husband who places such importance on being the absolute best father possible. I love so many things about him, but to see the patience, love and joy he has with Jackson far exceeds anything else. They are best buddies and that is so amazing to watch. I glanced back to see what we were doing exactly one year ago and I was amused to find that the scene was just as sweet- (June 12, 2010).

Jackson takes this job of watering the baby trees very seriously. Very. It is not a laughing, playing matter- it is a big boy job that he and Daddy do together. Moments like this remind me once again that new toys and television are not what children need to be happy or entertained. In fact, that is actually what they need less of. Instead, lets give them more of this:

The countdown is on: less than 2 weeks until we learn if we're having another baby boy or a baby girl. I wasn't sure how pregnancy would feel the second time around, but it is not even a little bit less amazing or miraculous. I still find myself reading daily on what my baby is up to- how he or she is developing. As of today baby is 5.5 inches long and weighs around 7 ounces. I will never get over the fact that I have a baby inside of me. A baby- INSIDE of me. Honestly, think about that. Amazing. We can't wait to meet you, baby, only 155 days to go!

you are my sunshine

Nothing too big to report tonight- just coming off of a calm, relaxing weekend with Jackson (weekend #5 without Dan... we have about 7 more to go). I have to say, my little man provides the best company possible with daddy gone- he is entertaining, sweet, funny and beyond adorable. 

But, the time with Dan is still irreplaceable and having him gone pretty much all of the time right now makes the time that we do have with him all that more meaningful and appreciated- tonight it completely made our night to have him home to eat dinner with us, to read stories to JP before bed time (he even changed a diaper for the first time in a  LONG time- he reported back that "he still has it {diapering skills) and we even squeezed in a little bonfire once the sun set and Jackson was asleep.  

Jackson, when you're reading back through these stories some day, I hope you'll be smiling and nodding your head when I tell you that your daddy is the hardest working man I know. And yet, he would never put his work ahead of you, me or his faith ever. There are few people who know how to find that balance and make it work, but he does- and he does it with a smile on his face and without a single complaint. 

And you, my little man, are already like him in so many ways- always smiling, always laughing, always on the move and 100% fearless.

But, I'm happy to report that you still glance behind you every once in awhile to make sure your mama is still there to pick you up just in case you do fall. And catch you I will. Every time.

We are 10 weeks along with baby #2! That is 25% completion if you are doing the math. I have to say that overall this baby has been a lot more challenging than Jackson was- much more morning (and afternoon and evening) sickness and much, much more tired, but every second of it is worth it and once again I'm so humbled that we were chosen to be this little boy or girl's mama and daddy. Lets hope that JP feels just has humbled when he realizes what being a "big brother" is all about!

welcome back, sunshine

Today was the epitome of beautiful- the sun was shining, the temperatures were nearly record-breaking... and Jackson and I soaked up every minute. Literally every minute because someone was on a nap-strike amidst all of the adventures- beginning with church, ending with playing outside with the puppies with the zoo squeezed in the middle. 

The zoo was a big hit. It was hot, which we aren't adjusted to yet, but Jackson loved seeing all of the animals we read about every day. It blows me away every time I see him make new connections in his mind as he discovers things that are entirely new to him... and seeing so many animals in person for the first time today was no different. These experiences rank high on the list for why parenting is by far the most rewarding blessing.

With all of the chaos in our lives right now, I haven't been keeping up with all of Jackson's developments and funny little stories, so I'll record a few now. His vocabulary continues to grow- learning new words all the time, although a few continue to be used most often... mama, dada, nanna, help, please, more, snack, dog, no. His animal sounds also continue to grow, he now identifies and imitates dogs, cats, chickens, cows, frogs, lions, pigs and sometimes alligators and monkeys.

This short little story borders on TMI, but amused me last night and is sure to embarrass him someday, so I feel obligated to document it here for his future reading enjoyment! Last night I was going "potty" and clearly when I'm home alone with Jackson I don't get "private time" so as I'm in the restroom he walks in giggling and with a big smile on his face, carrying a bowl of strawberries, clearly very proud of himself for finding this little snack. I told him to go put the strawberries back but he insisted on feeding them to me and would not take "no" for an answer. So there we were, him feeding strawberries to me in a moment that does normally not warrant snacking. 

This afternoon when we were at the zoo I looked at Jackson as he was standing in the middle of the petting zoo trying to sneak up on some unsuspecting goats and suddenly it hit me how much he looks like a toddler. He is no longer a baby at all, he is a full-fledged toddler. Absolutely scary to me, to realize that he is getting to be such a big boy. Fittingly enough, this revelation came just a few days after Jackson's paci went bye-bye. It was always our plan to take away the paci about a month after he stopped nursing. He stopped nursing at 13 months and so this weekend as he turned 14 months we took away his beloved paci. We've had a few rough moments, but overall he has been a complete champ. The bottle has been gone since 10 months, so he is officially baby-equipment free. 

As I write this I am loving re-living all of the memories we made today. It's this exact feeling that has always driven my blogging. And tonight the therapy it is providing me feels so needed. Today was such perfection and my fear is that what this week will bring with feel way too contrasted to this feeling. Meaning, life is hard right now with Dan gone all of the time, the renovation chaos and my heavier-than-ever work-load... and just knowing that the switch for all of that gets turned back on in the morning makes tonight bittersweet. Sunday night blues are in full swing.

Another slightly random string of thoughts that is going through my mind tonight stems back to the message in church this morning. It was all about forgiveness. Normally when we discuss this I don't feel as though it applies to me because I can honestly think of nobody who has done such a wrong to me that I haven't had the strength to forgive. But, this morning it hit me that while it is true that I can think of no single person I have yet to forgive for something, I do think that I sometimes need to forgive the "small" things that happen on a daily basis that cause me to get impatient, frustrated and disappointed. I expect perfection from myself every day and while I don't expect others to be perfect, I certainly do hold them to much higher expectations than most people probably do... and that needs to stop and in stopping that I need to forgive myself and others when the small things in life don't add up to the vision of what is in my head.

Luckily, along with the warmer weather comes longer daylight and longer daylight right now means that Dan has a slightly better chance of spending some time playing with outside once he gets home after working long hours. Tonight he had just a few minutes with Jackson outside before bedtime and then once the little man was tucked in, we went back out to take in the beautiful weather before the sun set. 

Dan found the first flower of the season in our yard. I tell you, these flowers are indestructible. They were planted by someone years ago in the most awkward place- in the middle of a grassy area, totally random, so every time I mow the grass I mow over them and yet they always come back, just as beautiful as ever.

And lets not forget to wish this handsome little man a happy 3rd birthday! Bing Crosby Engel turned 3 on Monday. Much to his dismay, I'm sure, we didn't celebrate in grand style, but we'll make it up to him with some extra fetch time and doggy treats soon. 

and.... pause.

As much as I want to slow life down right now, like it or not, we are living on fast forward. The next few months for our family are going to be a big test of faith, patience and energy. But, we'll pass- we'll pass with flying colors, but that doesn't mean it's going to be easy, comfortable or fun every day. 

If I were to find a bright spot in the fact that Dan will be working straight through the weekends until this summer- it would be that Jackson and I will be getting in a lot of one-on-one time together. I have a list of all the adventures we're going to go on- some of the best I'm sure will be played out in our little spot on top of the world.  

As many times as JP has been outside with us over the past year, he has only begun to explore this place that he calls home now that his chubby little feet have found the sweet freedom of running. Thank you, thank you for this pause button that we've been handed for the next couple of days. I can't remember the last time we've needed it more.

100% random

We have a lot going on right now. Almost entirely all really good stuff, but still a lot of it. It is putting my mind into over-drive. When you're a 'type A' and you're already overdriven mind goes into an even higher gear the only solution is to make a list. So, I am making a list of all the random things flying around in there in hopes of letting some of it fall naturally into place.


1. Beginning on March 18th Dan will be working 7 days a week, every week, for 3 months. Not a single day off. To make it even harder, he will be gone for even longer hours than normal. In other words: A. He's going to be burnt OUT, B. I will basically be a single mom- which means I need to fit in a full time job + taking care of JP on my own + everything else I do into the same amount of hours & C. Dan and Jackson will get to see each other for maybe 30 minutes a day, if that.


2. We decided that such a stressful time would be the perfect timing to begin a major home renovation which I have already briefly talked about. I am hoping we can take a mini break on this for the most part during Dan's crazy work phase.


3. These few months also happen to ironically coincide with the biggest projects I've ever had at work. Biggest meaning... hardest, most time-consuming, cannot-mess-them-up, strict deadlines. You get the picture. 


4. God has answered a couple of big prayers of mine recently. 1: I found a regular volunteer opportunity at Church that I am already loving. I am helping to teach in the Kindergarten class on Sunday mornings. Let me just say that Kindergarteners say the MOST hilarious things. 2: I have joined a bible study with some lady friends. We meet every other week and have really inspiring, funny conversations- I am so blessed to have been given these new friendships that I will cherish. 


5. Within the past 2 weeks I have purchased family annual passes to both The Museum Center and The Zoo. Jackson LOVES the museum already and as soon as this spring weather cooperates I'm sure he's going to love the zoo too. (PS: Dan if your'e reading this: we bought a zoo membership, I think I forgot to tell you that...) These passes are going to come in really handy for the many, many Mama/JP dates we are about to have over the long string of Dan-less weekends coming up.


6. We have decided (as of an hour ago) to take a spontaneous trip this weekend to Charlotte. Dan needs to go for a quick work thing so we're going to turn it into a fun family thing and go for a long weekend. We haven't packed, we haven't dealt with the logistics of completely moving our work calendars around to allow for the time away, we haven't arranged for a place for the doggies to go, we haven't fixed the headlight in the car that needs to be changed before we leave, we haven't ... done anything EXCEPT totally soaked up this opportunity to spend total Dan-Jessica-Jackson time together road-trip-adventure-style. I'll figure all that other stuff out tomorrow since the plan is to leave right after work on Thursday.


So, with all of that said, making this list actually ended up doing nothing but making me realize how much I have to do, so I'm off to do it! Good night!

"THANK YOU" to nanna, poppy & uncle jordan for taking care of JP so we could have DATE NIGHT last night. It was a perfect little mix of Dan & me. We began with going to the Auto Expo (the Dan part) then went to dinner at Local 127 (the me part that actually ended up being the 'us' part). Date nights are so good. Good for the soul, the heart, the marriage. Just really good. 

spring fever

Jackson was rocking his swimming gear tonight. Maybe it's because he has spring fever or maybe he was just dressing appropriately for the 'heat wave' that we're experiencing... that's right, when it's February and the temps get above freezing it does feel somewhat like a heat wave. But, really, mamaw and papaw gave JP this surfer-like outfit for Valentine's day and it was so adorable that Dan and I wanted to see him wear it. 

           

dreams are how we figure out where we want to go, life is how we get there.

warning: the following is a little glimpse into how my mind works. in over-drive. all the time. lots and lots of random thoughts that aren't actually so random to me, but they'll most likely appear that way to you- a little recap of the past few days.


1. last night jackson had his 1 year well check at the pediatrician. highlights include: he is in the 75th % for height and 45th for weight. tall & thin. dr. callahan said most likely from the "baby version of p90x" that jp puts himself through on a constant basis. the little guy basically runs everywhere, all the time. he is a mini Dan. other than that he is 100% perfect. i can't tell you how happy it makes me that we have been through an entire year with zero ear infections and zero antibiotics. 


2. unfortunately, speaking of health, dan seems to have caught the fever/sore throat/cough/runny nose little fiasco that jp and i suffered through this week.


3. the sun in shining today. this is HUGE news! lately the only thing seen coming from the sky has been ice and snow. sunshine, you are completely welcome here anytime. please visit us more frequently. i think someone else is also ready for spring- here is jp peaking outside earlier this week or as he says "ow-si"... 

4. i am making more purposeful attempts to detach myself more from technology. this is especially challenging for me when i'm working. in our office- as i'm sure is the case in most global corporate settings- when we're not in meetings we are tied to our computer screen, catching up on email, working on presentations, doing research, etc. it's almost as if we have this invisible elastic band tied to us and it snaps us back to our screens at any given moment- it's an addiction, really. well, personally, i find that my brain functions 200% more clearly away from the computer screen. so, yesterday, i rearranged my office space to allow for more "computer-less" work time. i have to tell you, even after just one day of making a more conscious effort to be less computer-dependent i felt so much more energized and productive!


5. i am eternally over-the-top grateful for these little pockets of full-on-energizing-conversations that i have during the work day with some of the most amazing women in my life. i love that we can go from 0-60 in 5 seconds- we can go from just passing in the office to discussing deep, meaningful stuff in no time. that ability is a very rare thing to find. i value it highly in my friendships. 


6. i'm still adjusting to the fact that i am the mother to a 1 year old. how did that happen? i have no idea. i feel like just last week dan and i were in high school, chatting it up on AIM and then talking on the phone until we would fall asleep. PS: HERE is what we were doing exactly 1 year ago today... it was our first full day home with our precious little man. 


7. dan sent me this link HERE earlier this week. don't let the name of the blog deceive you, this stuff applies to women just as well as men. we're going to go through this little exercise together. 


8. there was a little quote from church that keeps popping back into my mind. "live your life out loud so that others will see that Jesus is alive EVERYWHERE." i love that. and i feel like that's what i'm doing when i write, when i blog. i'm living my life out loud and i'm thankful for those that read along and in turn live their lives out loud- whether that be in their own blog or on facebook or in conversation or however. it allows us to all multiply our blessings and "wins" and divide up the tough times, weakening them and leaving them that much less tough. 


And, now time to get back to work. Thanks for the little coffee break!

lessons from the first year

I had been planning on taking off tomorrow for months now. It was my intention to not work on Jackson's first birthday- and to not work on any of his birthdays for that matter. And then plans changed. 


Instead, the little man got sick yesterday, keeping him (us) up most of the night and clinging to his mama this morning and through the day. So, instead of taking off tomorrow to celebrate his birthday, I took off today to cuddle my baby back to health. In short, plans changed, they adjusted to meet his needs. 


Molding my day, my schedule, my LIFE to him is simply a way of life now. It is one way that I prioritize my role as mother to the most precious piece of my heart. The agility that this requires is not always convenient, it is not always easy or comfortable, but it is what it is- it is necessary and it is one that takes priority. 


It also happens to be just one of the many, many lessons this first year has taught me about motherhood, about parenting, about this enormous, unbelievable responsibility that comes in the form of a the most miraculous blessing. These lessons or realizations may not be the same for every first-time parent, I'm sure we all begin on a slightly different part of the learning curve, but here are mine and I would love to hear if any ring true for you or if you have any additional ones that I forgot because lets face it, loss of memory seems to come along with parenthood at times.


1. My pain, uncomfort, complaints mean nothing now. It's no longer about me, it's about him and I would happily endure any pain, any day if it meant he didn't have to.


2. It is not possible to 100% understand unconditional love until you have a child. And once you do, you can then love others truly unconditionally and can for the first time completely understand how God loves us.


3. You will get sprayed with some type of bodily fluid on an almost daily basis and it will not phase you in the least. 


4. While not optimal, you will find how easy it is to go on little to no sleep day after day. 


5. Speaking of little to no sleep. You will never truly 'sleep through the night again' - even if your child does, you will not. It's a mother thing I think because Dan seems to have no issues with this!


6. "Motherly instinct" is almost eerily accurate and alive the instant you become pregnant. I could re-tell many, many examples of when I have felt this instinct kick in. One of the most frequent of which is when I will wake in the middle of the night, eyes wide open, sit up and watch Jackson on the video monitor- he will be in a deep sleep, but without fail, no more than two minutes later, he will wake up crying for me. It's as if God is giving me a little buffer time to wake up and get ready to go and take care of my little man. 


7. Birth is an absolute miracle. I always knew that, but the lesson for me was that the miracle didn't end once he had arrived, the miracle is lived out every day that he is in our life- watching him grow, learn, discover... it is jaw-dropping amazing every single day.


8. I have always detested abortion, child abuse, child abandonment, child-hurting of any kind, as do most all sane people. But now that he's in my life, hearing and knowing that these things happen every minute of every day to some child in some part of the world is enough to bring me to my knees in tears, to bring me to the brink of insanity. 


9. Having the strongest faith in God, the strongest relationship with Jesus and the most loving marriage with Dan has never been more important. Without these things I cannot be the best possible mother to Jackson. Simply not possible.


10. My health has never been more important either. Not taking care of myself is now not only irresponsible, but it is now selfish. Not taking care of myself means that I am setting a bad example for him and am risking leading a shorter life due to my poor decisions.


11. Speaking of leading by example... my ever action is now constantly studied by this little guy who is hungry to understand the world and looks to me and Dan for his primary instruction- no instruction is more powerful than our actions. This realization in itself is enough to make you question your every move- and that is a good thing. 


12. I have never said the phrases "be careful," "slow down," "drive carefully," more than in the past 12 months.


13. I have also never said the words "I love you" more than in the past 12 months.


14. Breastfeeding is just about the most natural thing in the world and is just about the farthest thing from "gross" or "uncomfortable" as possible... although, I still choose not to do so in public or in front of anyone except Dan whenever possible. That is my personal choice because I highly covet modesty, but it would never offend me for someone else to breastfeed in front of me, ever. 


15. People told me before we had JP to live it up and do whatever it was we wanted to do before he was born and we were "tied down" - I winced at that advice and still do because for me, it could not be farther from the truth. Having Jackson does nothing but push me to want to do, see, experience more with him along our side. 


16. I have always been a big photo-taker, but never dreamed I would take so, so many on a daily basis. But, when you have a little guy with a face that cute you just can't help it.


17. Going back to work has been way harder than I thought it would be. People said it would get easier as time went on, but for me it hasn't. If anything it gets harder. I don't say that to be discouraging to anyone, I just say it to be honest about my experience.


18. The absolute best advice I ever received while expecting Jackson is something I often repeat to myself. And that advice was "everything is a phase" - it is so, so true- for both the good and bad. 


19. Dan and I have (and still are) read countless books and articles on every parenting subject you can think of and this has been beyond valuable to us, opening our eyes to a lot, but at the end of the day we make our final decisions on every thing with our parental instincts. 


20. My love for Dan grows exponentially bigger and stronger each time I see him with Jackson.


...there are so many more lessons and realizations that are popping into my mind, but again my plan shifts and I will now abruptly end this post and go rock my baby back to sleep. 


Stuffy nose + fever = it's going to be a sleepless night!

party day

"today is PARTY DAY! we are having jackson's aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and great-grandparents over to celebrate his first birthday, dr.seuss-style. he officially turns the big ONE on tuesday which will be preserved for maximized jp, mama and daddy time.while we clean, cook and get the birthday boy ready for his party (i.e. make him take a BIG nap- hopefully!), here are his 12 month shots taken a few days early...

How did it get so late so soon?It's night before its afternoon.
December is here before its June.
My goodness how the time has flewn.
How did it get so late so soon?
-Dr. Seuss


I couldn't have said it any better, Seuss, I have no idea where this first year has gone, but what I do know is that it couldn't have been any better thanks to this little man who has completely consumed our hearts. Thank you, Lord, for choosing us to be his parents- you have blessed us beyond words. 


More to come later!

talented tantrum-thrower

I (in my most objective opinion, of course) think Jackson is pretty advanced. An early talker, walker, baby genius... this, I am finding, may be a double-edged sword. You see, my man who is about to turn one has officially mastered the art of temper tantrums. We have only had one so far, but something inside me tells me it will not be the last. In hindsight, I am thinking there is a possibility that me taking photos of his 'first tantrum' may have infuriated him even more... 

 

       Ifeel for you, Jackson, I really do. I have had a few "moments" myself this week where I have wanted to do the same thing... but for some reason nobody would find it nearly as adorable. Enjoy it while you can, my love!