Life on Cottage Hill: PAGES

Monday, May 2, 2011

While I can only think of a few of times in my life when I have been truly unhappy, I do go through my minor ups and downs as anyone does in life. You know how it is- when your life gets significantly unbalanced one way or the other it just throws off your heart, it makes it a little harder for your soul to shine through. It's natural. It's actually a good time for reflection and replenishing. So, that's what I've been doing on the inside... reflecting and replenishing, sure to get out of this little slump better than ever. 

During these times of deeper reflection I don't always feel as compelled to write. And not writing for me is somewhat like not taking completely full breaths. I am still living, still breathing... but not really completely. So, tonight, I'm encouraging myself to just write. I have no big "point" in mind, no funny Jackson story (although I have endless material for that)... I'm just writing whatever comes to mind, whatever is on my heart. 

One common thought that has been popping up for me over the past few weeks has been in reaction to a lot of what I read online, or more specifically on Facebook. I have to say, when the "status update" became popular a few years ago I found it creepy at first... like who cares that you are standing in line at the grocery store? But, then they became interesting and I fell in love with the connectedness the updates brought about. I felt like I could be a part of every day life with friends who I just don't get to see very often anymore and that felt good. But, over time and especially lately the updates have been hitting a sour note with me. 

I feel like (for the most part- certainly not completely) updates that used to be interesting, authentic and/or light-hearted have become a platform for being completely over-dramatic... either in terms of complaining beyond reason, being downright classless and rude or exchanging the once sweet updates about one's family for completely self-centered love-fests. I just re-read what I wrote and I am realizing that I sound bitter. I don't mean to be. I am just trying to make the point that I have been really turned off lately by the ego-self-love that seems to be such a big part of our culture and in turn it has made me shy away from blogging as much as I normally do for fear of being like that. But, then I reminded myself that the purpose of my blog could stand completely solid even if nobody read it- I would still be expressing myself through writing and I would still be documenting "life" for Jackson to read back on someday. 

So, I am okay with it when I remind myself of why I write. I write for our little family and anyone else who chooses to read along as we live our life out loud is purely bonus and I certainly hope that my words can leave you with a little something every once in awhile. I just pray that I can be the best role model for Jackson by never allowing my self confidence and love of life to turn into anything ego-based... because there is a fine line there. God asks us to live our lives out loud so that the world can see that Christ is alive... but there is such a fine line when doing this and I simply don't want to cross it. 

I don't know why I'm so fired up about this... maybe because I see the consequences of such ego all around.. or maybe I just need to take a little break from Facebook. Now, that might not be such a bad idea! (And lets not rule out the role that my pregnant hormones may be playing as well)

Thank you for playing along with my little rant thought-string. I will be sure to more warmly welcome you back tomorrow with something more lovely- maybe some stories of my little man and all that he has been up to. I told Dan tonight that I'm pretty sure that he's a genius. Dan told me he thinks my opinion may be a little swayed. I assured him I am completely objective. He didn't believe me. I didn't believe myself, but I'm still fully obsessed and fascinated by my little handsome butt. I'm sure he'll love reading that nickname when he's older!

Okay, enough already...
Good night!

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