Life on Cottage Hill: PAGES

Friday, August 10, 2012

friday nights.

Jackson is becoming an expert with the weekend countdown. Every day he reminds me how many days left until the weekend, when he 'can play with mommy and daddy all day.' It pretty much breaks my heart every time he does this, normally during our morning drive to nanna's house or while laying in bed the night before nanny Amy comes. I know he loves his time with them, but nothing ever compares to time at home when we're together as a family. I totally get it, I'm with you, buddy and if my heart wasn't so confident that we're doing what is best for you right now I'd turn the car around every morning, that would definitely be the easy thing to do, but the easy way usually isn't the best way. 

This day, this Friday, was so many things that I've been needing. It's like every part of it was designed to refresh my spirit. From the cool weather to the opportunity to work from home to our evening outside just being home, being together. It was so needed.

The start to this week was rough, really rough. And I know that a lot of other people in the world have it a thousand times harder than I most likely ever will, but it's reality that whatever we're going through at the time surmounts all else. And while I am not a proponent of feeling sorry for yourself, I do think that there are times when you just need to cut yourself a break for a day or two when you're in a rut before snapping yourself out of it and making solutions happen. I think it helps us slow down enough to really understand what the core issue is, allowing us to then stand back up even stronger than before. 

My rut began when I threw my back out on vacation last week. It sounds like a spoiled girl problem on the surface to whine about how I had to lay in my bed with ocean views while healing my back, but it was deeper than that. I ended up feeling left out, feeling like I was failing as a mom when I couldn't take care of my babies on my own for a few days, like somehow it was my fault I couldn't join in on all of the festivities, like I was ruining the fun for others and then you add in the pain itself which was unbearable at times, causing many tear-filled phone calls home to Dan. So, to say I was happy to be home where I could heal in the comfort of home where I had my best friend taking care of me was a huge deal, it was so good for my heart.

Tonight was such a good reminder of how good it feels to be completely in tune with what means most. Just the four of us completely at peace, completely happy. 
And this little peanut, well, she is 9 months old as of today. 9 months. That's almost scary enough to make me want to have another baby right now (but not quite). I love her face, I love those big eyes and chubby cheeks, I love her husky laugh and the way she babbles. I love how at ease she is going through life but still has enough sass to prove a point when she needs to. I love her, every chubby inch of her. 

And this little man. He is the best. He hadn't really been himself for the past week. I think it worried him seeing me so clearly in pain, I think it was really uncomfortable for him to have so many other people stepping in to help take care of him when he wasn't used to that, I think he missed his daddy a lot while away and I think all of this combined with being totally out of routine was just all too much at once. But the past two days he has been back to his old self, his funny, witty, adorable old self and I'm so happy for that. 

We had a little family adventure planned for tomorrow but decided to ditch it for now and instead continue to soak up how good it feels to be at home together. I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be and anyone else I'd rather be with. 

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