Life on Cottage Hill: PAGES

Sunday, January 13, 2013

"Still what I want for my life is to be willing to be dazzled- to cast aside the weight of facts and maybe even float a little above this difficult world." -Mary Oliver

I haven't posted a lot this week, I haven't shared photos or over-shared as I normally do about Jackson and Audrey; I haven't done any of that because I've been feeling guilty about being so blessed. More specifically, I've been feeling feeling guilty that my family, my babies, are healthy. I have a couple of friends who have gone through the unimaginable this week- one who has a precious toddler battling for his life with cancer and one who lost her infant to SIDS. The unimaginable. And yet here I am with two healthy, beautiful, precious and perfect babies. Babies who I pray for every day in faith- but also in fear- that these nightmares might never come true. 

And I'll continue to pray for that. And for those going through so much, but God has spoken to me more clearly this week than I think ever before and so all is right with my soul. It may not all be right with my heart right now- I feel so strongly for those moms, for those babies- but I know in my soul it is all going to be okay. It is in His hands, and there's no better place to be. 

This weekend was so needed- after the heartache and the constant reaching out to understand and after my first full week back to work after Christmas I was emotionally and physically exhausted. But, these little faces, these perfect little faces, they were everything I needed. 

     PS: This is what happens now when I put JP in time-out... Audrey runs after him yelling "Jack! Jack!"    and then joins him on the step in a display of unified orneriness. Monsters. 

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