Life on Cottage Hill: PAGES

Sunday, April 8, 2012

...easter, the real thing.

We have packed this past week full of Easter goodness. Coloring eggs, making bunny shaped cookies and egg shaped chocolate candies. We have been reading book after book about Easter and what it is really all about. And this morning when Jackson woke up I told him, "it's Easter, Jackson!" and I asked him, "what is Easter all about anyway?" and he replied, "about how much Jesus loves us."

My first thought when he said this was of how proud I was. That after a week-full of doing my best to make the most of these Easter activities to teach him that it all totally sunk in. And then my second thought was how I was even more proud that he gets it at the age of 2. Two! As I was telling Dan on our way home from church this morning, I don't think I really got it- I mean really got it- until the past few years when we decided to join a new church family.  

But now that I really understand it, it's almost unbearable to feel the emotions that I feel when I allow myself to really go there. To go to the place where God sent his son to die for us. To go to that place where I imagine what it would be like to watch Jackson or Audrey suffer like that. To die like that. To have to watch that, knowing that I could stop it, but not doing so because I knew of the greater good that would come from my sacrifice. I know for a fact that I wouldn't have the strength to do that. Not even close. But He did. He did it all for us. 

This morning during service a lot of those emotions came to the surface. I mean, how could they not, right? There I was with my husband who I adore and my two babies who I can't imagine life without and we're there doing our best to worship him even more than we normally do because of all this day represents. And we're singing words like "and I will rise, when he calls my name, no more sorrow, no more shame, I will rise on eagle's wings, before my God, fall on my knees..."

And as we were standing there, continuing to worship, I'm glancing down at Audrey who is sleeping on my chest and I'm totally overwhelmed emotionally. Because this day- Easter- it is so big. It is so important. It is everything, really. And I'm simultaneously grateful that I finally get it and scared that I finally get it. Because when you realize the weight that you carry as a parent in teaching your children in a way that they don't see Easter as Easter bunnies and baskets full of candy... but in understanding that this day is about everlasting life that comes with a true relationship with Jesus. Well, that is both exhilarating and terrifying because I must get this right. I must.

It was a good, sobering moment. A good reminder. One that I will not forget nor will I take lightly.

 And to balance it all out, there were still plenty of Easter eggs and some (too many) treats for Jackson. And the babies, of course, had adorable outfits. And we all ate way too much. But underneath it all was a foundation built on an immeasurable love for the man who came to Earth to die for us all.

And the outfits. Did I mention the outfits? Because you know it's a winner as an Easter dress when it weighs more than the baby wearing it...

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