Life on Cottage Hill: PAGES

Saturday, April 21, 2012

I could have predicted this emotional mood I'm in months ago. Kicking off right on schedule, with less than two weeks left on maternity leave. That is less than two weeks left to spend every waking (and sleeping) moment with my babies.
I'm happy to be going back to work. Honestly, I am. I am grateful actually. To be able to get back into that environment where I am ruthlessly challenged, surrounded by some of the brightest minds I've ever known. To not be known as "mommy" but as a woman who is working, working hard, to fulfill her dreams and the dreams she has for her family. Grateful to be a living example to Jackson and Audrey of what can happen when you turn your drive and ambition into reality. A reality where you never stop learning, never stop challenging yourself, never stop growing.

So, it's bittersweet really. To leave those faces behind every day. I'll miss them like crazy, I will. My throat gets all tight just thinking about it and I've had slight emotional breakdowns both times we've had the new nanny come over this past week for mini leave-behinds. It's hard. Really hard. Hands-down, for me, the hardest part of being a mom.

But, the beauty of it is that Dan and I have laid out a very clear master plan for our family. I know, I know, that sounds OCD and very me and not so much him, but it works, I'm telling you. To know exactly why it is that you're getting up every day and leaving your family to go to work. Why it is that you put in the long hours and trudge through the really uncomfortable parts of leading  a home with two full-time working parents. If it's clear- as it is with us- then you can keep pushing through the hard times because you have an end goal that's not too far away in mind. That is priceless.

I see many deep breaths in my future. Many, many self-doubting moments. Many extra hugs and extra-long cuddle time with the babies over the next week and a half. But, all of the worries will surely be followed by a new chapter in our lives that is sure to please. I know God has us on this path for a reason, I know because I have talked to Him about it daily since I became a mom. And I know he's taking us to amazing places if we're willing to put our trust in Him.

And so we will. We will trust Him with all our hearts. So with that, bring it on, bring on every little thing you have planned for us.

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