gratitude.

I'm been in a rut all morning- Monday is getting too close for comfort, it's raining outside and despite my best efforts, my house seems to have entered a new level of chaos. I know I'm the barometer for this family, I know that and yet I can't seem to shake this mood. So, time for some gratitude. Time to be more thankful for all the good in my life because Lord knows the good far, far outweighs the bad. Today, I am thankful...

for three healthy, beautiful, funny babies who I love more than the world itself.
for a hard-working, loving husband who balances me out in all the ways I need balancing.
for that same man who is the most goofy, fun, caring dad to our monsters.
for dreams- LOTS of them- and knowing that we're making them come true.
for sound machines and all the chaos they block out so that my smallest little guy can nap.
for washing machines and dryers & clothes to express ourselves in and keep us warm and comfortable... laundry is not fun, but at least we have laundry to do.
for so, so many dirty dishes- evidence of having more than enough to feed our babies. 
for disney junior. because sometimes I just need 20 minutes to get things done. 
for coffee. no explanation needed. 
for having the choice to work. too many women around the world don't have that choice- I do. I will work for them. and for the ability to work at something I enjoy, for a company that values me so much. 
and even for what I see as "messes" but what they call  "mountains" that some little people made when they were supposed to be making their beds. 

the little things.

We're coming off a Christmas party streak that lasted over a week. We've had many parties and get-togethers, a lot of time worshiping our baby Jesus, way too many gifts opened and throw in a morning of attempting to get a few quality photos of 10 adults and 8 little monsters all 5 and under. There have been a lot of naps skipped, enough sugar ingested to make a strong case for a toddler detox plan and the peanut successfully rotated through all of her Christmas dresses. 

Fittingly enough, today we rested. We stayed in our pajamas too long, we let the laundry go in lieu of legos and time in the snow and Dan and I went through more than our fair share of hot coffee. Perfection. 

It's so funny how much effort we put into this past week of celebrating- the menu planning, the outfit selections, the sometimes ridiculously complicated logistics of it all... and yet my favorite memories will be of those spent at home doing really ordinary things like giving the Peanut a bath and thinking yet again how she is perfection. Perfection all bottled up into the body of this little girl who steals every heart she meets. 

Dan has said something a few times over the past couple of days about the "little things." About how it's all about those simple little pleasures that make like so great. Things like sipping on a hot cup of coffee early in the morning while babies in pajamas run around you excited for another day. Things like going sled-riding in your backyard and feeling like you're 10 years old again. Things that I never want to forget or take for granted (but I all too often do). 

I don't know what this new year has in store for us, but I've got a whole bunch of faith that it's going to be incredible. We're going to go to places we've never been, do things we never thought we could do and overcome whatever comes our way. Every little thing is indeed going to be alright. 

on the up side...

Last week Dan sent me the following excerpt from one of our favorite books because it seemed to sum up what we both so strongly believe:

Your mind is unquestionably your most valuable possession. You may lose every material thing you own, but knowledge can never be taken from you. With it, you can earn a new fortune, build a new home, and buy anything you truly desire. No one else can control your thoughts; even the cruelest tyrant cannot force you to think about something you refuse to accept. When you make a deliberate decision to take control of your mind and feed it positive, constructive thoughts, you are on your way to taking control of your life. The thoughts you allow to dominate your mind will determine what you will get from life.

 Isn't that powerful and freeing? To know that  you have 100% control over the way your mind operates- what you allow it to focus on, how strong you enable it to become, where you allow it to take you- all of that is completely up to you. Incredible. 


But, to be honest, there are days- or more likely multiple times each day- when keeping my mind focused on the right things, the positive things, is really hard and I often fail. Unfortunately, my personality type is very unforgiving when I do this and I beat myself up over it. So, I'm working on it, working on progress instead of perfection and working on keeping those communication lines open with God to THANK Him throughout the day for all of those blessings that I just seem to take for granted or overlook as real blessings because they're too small. 

So here goes 5 things I'm thankful for this morning- because it's nearly impossible to let your mind focus on the negatives when your heart is so full of gratitude. 

1. For coffee. Who needs sleep when you have this guy in your life? 
2. For the freedom to work from home when I need like on days like this when I just need to be closer to my family- both physically and mentally.  
3. For the opportunity to take Jackson and Audrey away next week to the beach. 
4. For our new bed. Dan and I finally got a "big kid bed" and the amount of space in that thing blows my mind, I can finally sleep with my legs and arms completely stretched out like I've always dreamed of, no exaggeration. Jackson calls it our "weally, weally big bed."
5. For Dan. Where do I even begin on how amazing he is? 

thankful.

we're thanking God for a lot tonight. A LOT. thanking Him that we are all safe after a nasty tornado scare. thanking Him that Dan will be beginning an incredible new adventure on Monday with a new company- today he said goodbye to the place he has worked for the past 4 years...it was time to move on and we're thankful that He opened such a beautiful door of opportunity at the perfect time, as always. thankful for this week that has been full of so much fun with my little monster and peanut. i can't get over how much i LOVE our time together. now, if only more of this time involved peanut sleeping. good thing you're cute, audrey!

hibernation.

sometimes it's nice to go into hibernation mode for a couple of days. to slow down a little and soak each other up doing nothing out of the ordinary but living. just living.

and so we did just that this weekend. and it was so needed after the holidays and after a couple of weeks where germs totally over-stayed their welcome. we cleaned and we cooked and we played and i even caught up on a little sleep. it was perfect.

and this kid, yep this one right here, slept for the very first time in his BIG bed! please, please do not call it a big boy bed because he will surely refuse to sleep in it if you do because after all he is not a big boy, he is a baby. just ask him, he will tell you.

we are just one month away from my little man turning 2. the fastest two years of my life, no doubt and to add even more sting, our Audrey turns 2 months this week. unbelievable. this morning while i was holding audrey while drinking a cup of coffee i was thinking about how perfectly happy i was in that moment, when all is peaceful and perfect. and then i heard two chubby little feet running through the house and i realized that sound- of little feet- must be one of the best sounds in the world. and the moment became that much more amazing. we are so, so blessed.

{thankful}

Day 10: For the sweetest baby girl I've ever known. Audrey is everything and more a little lady in the making should be. 
Day 11: For the smoothest, most natural transition from "only child" to "big brother" we could have hoped for. Jackson is a total pro at this already. 
Day 12: For the most giving, caring church family we could ever ask for- they have completely spoiled us all week with the most amazing, delicious (& gluten-free!) dinners. 
Day 13: For this priceless time with my little family- we are totally soaking up these days when we can focus on each other 100%. 
Day 14: For coffee. I didn't drink a drop of it when I was pregnant with Audrey, but it's back in my life and it is still one of my most favorite treats. 
Day 15: For Dan's endless energy with which he entertains and plays with Jackson all day long- those two are going to miss each other immensely when he has to go back to work, but for now they are living it up. 
Day 16: For Audrey's health. Our little peanut was getting her little foot poked for blood every day to monitor her jaundice and we're so relieved that it's all behind us. 
Day 17: For naps. Because sleep is at a premium in this newborn phase. 
Day 18: For family near by, because miracles like Audrey are a million times sweeter when you can share them with the people who mean the most to you. 

thankful

Audrey Update: We're still waiting... and waiting and waiting. We are going on almost 10 hours in active labor with slow, slow progress. The contractions were getting a little out of control so I broke down about a half an hour ago and go an epidural- Tom the epidural guy is currently my favorite person in the world. 


I wanted to do a month of Thanks-giving again this year and what better time to get caught up than when I'm in labor? 


Thankful to God for...


Day 1: For a husband who is my best friend- who I'm not only in total love with but who I genuinely enjoy being with more than anyone else in the world. He is proof that true love only gets better and better.  
Day 2: For the most adorable, hilarious, sweetest little boy who I am so blessed to get to call my son. I believe God gives us children so that we can truly understand how he loves us.
Day 3: For the miracle of being able to grow our beautiful Audrey inside of me for the past 9 months. For anyone who doubts God or who takes for granted children... I dare you to go through this journey and not be in total awe of the gift of life God gives on a daily basis. 
Day 4: For epidurals. Because my daughter is already being stubborn and she's not even here yet and girlfriend was giving her mother pain that was out of this world. 
Day 5: For our ever-strengthening faith. I can't imagine a better church family for us to raise our children with and I can't imagine life without the faith that Dan and I have grown to know and love these past couple of years. 
Day 6: For freedom. We live in a country where we hold the keys to our lives- we can choose to do whatever it is we dream of. I think we sometimes forget this and choose not to fight for what we want because we let our fears and insecurities get the best of us, but I honestly believe that there is nothing unattainable thanks to the freedom we have been blessed with. 
Day 7: For our furry children, Sammy & Bing. Dogs live love unconditionally better than most people do and I am forever grateful for the love they show us every day. And seeing Jackson light up with laughter every time he sees his "doggies" is a total bonus too. 
Day 8: For a family that is beyond supportive- especially our parents. They love us and our children more than most could understand and they support our every move- honestly the best examples of how to love your children we could ever find.
Day 9: For dreams. We have a lot of them- our list grows exponentially every day and I love that Dan and I are going to go after the ones that really matter to us- no compromises, no short-cuts, no skimping. 

joy.

There is a deep sense of clarity that comes along with happiness. Not the every day kind of happiness, but the kind that you find when you really stop to feel your life. To feel the love that fills the air around you in a way that is so heavy you can feel it laying on your skin, you can taste it. I think this may be what Jesus called JOY. 


Having this week at home with Jackson has given me that rare opportunity to really feel this joy. I mean really feel it. I feel it when I walk into his room in the morning and before I can see him I can hear him giggling. I feel it throughout the day when I hear him say my name, when he comes to where I am and takes me by the hand, when he is just Jackson. And I am just Mama. 

I believe there is something extraordinary about my love for Jackson. About my respect for being chosen to be his mother. I feel it so deeply in my heart that it is undeniable to the point of being overwhelming. 


This kind of love is rare- and when something is this rare you protect it with all you have and you savor it with your entire being. And when you feel JOY that deeply you can't help but to shout about it. To tell the world. To want more than anything to be able to share with everyone around you just a little piece of heaven God is giving you a taste of. So, I do that. I shout it out. I tell my story. I thank God so many times a day for this little man that even He probably thinks I sound like a broken record. 


There are many things in my life that bring me happiness, but there are very few that bring me JOY. Very few that are eternal. That are forever. That I pray will be beside me someday in Heaven. And for these people I am humbled to be such a big part of their lives too.