Life on Cottage Hill: PAGES

Sunday, October 31, 2010

The story of our rocking chair...

This is somewhat of a tangent. A sleep-deprived tangent. To begin we must rewind to 2 and a 1/2 years ago. The day after our wedding. Before we left for our honeymoon, Dan and I went to Lazyboy to order new living room furniture. I think they were having a big sale and we didn't want to miss out I guess- I don't really remember. It must have been Dan's idea or at least it sounds like something that would be his idea. Anyway, another of his idea's was to include in this purchase a recliner that we really didn't need nor did I want. But we got it. And it never really was used.

That is until the past 9 months. It is now in Jackson's nursery and has been used a lot. Used a lot for rocking and cuddling and story time. And in this chair I have had more moments of clarity and inspiration than anywhere else in the world. I think it has something to do with the magic that comes when you're holding your baby in your arms in the quietest, darkest hours of the night. When the world seems to come to a stand still. When nothing else matters. When there is nothing that could possibly match the peace that you feel in your heart. All of this combined sparks something inside that allows me to dream bigger and better than ever before. 

And what has really been hitting me hard the past few days is that I have only a finite number of these moments left with him. Because like it or not my little man will only call for me in his sleep so many times to come and rock him and love on him and cuddle him back to sleep. Like it or not there will come a day when the very idea of me cradling him in my arms will embarrass him deeply. And while that day is far away (thank you, God!) it will be here far sooner than I like to admit and the brutal truth is that these nights in themselves are already getting fewer and farther between.

Yes, I am actually sad that my handsome little man does not wake very often at night anymore. This must sound like utter lunacy to any one who has a newborn, but trust me, the day will come when you will cherish those moments when it's just you and your baby and the rocking chair and your dreams and those chubby little fingers locked around yours. And when that day comes you will do as I have been doing... you will hold him a little closer, hug him a little tighter and rock him a little longer.

1 comment:

  1. Jessica, I totally know what you mean about cherishing those nighttime moments with our little ones. Maddie has not needed me for over a year now. And Liam is only three and a half months old and he already only needs me once a night now. There is no memory and/or feeling that I cherish more then nursing my babies in the middle of the night, while keeping each other snuggly warm while they hold my finger. While I enjoy getting a good nights sleep…I cherish these quiet one-on-one bonding moments more.


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